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--- hamza bello <hamza222_22@yahoo.com> wrote:
Dear Calvin Virgil ,
I am Barrister Hamza Bello, a legal Solicitor and I was the Personal Attorney and legal adviser to
Mr.John Virgil, a national of your country, who used to work with Mobil oil Company. On
the 21st of April 2002, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident
along lome Express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I
have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended
relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided
to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family
but of no avail, hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and
property left behind by my client before they get impounded by the security company were my clientdeposited this consignment(two trunk boxes).Particularly, the
security company where the deceased had a deposited this consignment valued at
about Twenty Million United States Dollars ($U.S20.000,000) has issued me a notice
to provide the next of kin or have the consignment confiscated/impounded within the next ten official working days. since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over one years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you are from the same country so that the proceeds of this consignment valued at Twenty Million United
States Dollars ($U.S 20,000,000) can be claimed by you and then you and me
can share the money.55% to me and 40% to you, while 5% should be for expenses or tax as your
government may require, I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up this claim we are about to make.
Note: that this consignment was recorded as family treasures belonging to my late client and only you and i knows the content of the two boxes with the security company in Ghana, they also have there branches in Asia, london where i am and America and this consignment can be conveyed to any of this branches, but we can conclude all of this here in London.. All I require is your honest cooperation to enableus see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by my email to enable us discuss further
Best Regards,
Barr: Hamza Bello.
My Dearest and most sincerist Mr.Hamza bello, You cannot believe the excitement and surprise that I experienced upon waking up out of a stupor after a night of heroin-injecting and
crack-whore banging and seeing now your illustrious and expertly concocted email and proposal. I am still completely wasted, so please forgive me if I sound retarded. You guys are a pure genius, not to mention a philanthropists for all of the fine work that you are going to do to make me and you very wealthly and beautifully rich and it is with utmost and eager pleasure that I opened and read your masterpiece of an email to me, letting me know that I am to be the most deserved and happy receipient of the many millions of dollars that you so generously have offered to me, and it is only by Supreme Good Fortune that our 2 disparate destinies have now crossed in this glorious manner, and you can rest assured that I am an very astute and dis-honest person who can help bring this Financial Matter to it's Perfect and Logical Cornucopious Conclusion. The Creator has indeed showd her Glorious Smile upon us in this matter, that we may benefit and reap rewards for not doing any work to achieve these beneficient Funds to our respective bank accounts that will be full to overflowing like a bread basket of millions. And to boot, My family may be glad finally to hear that I will now be a success in life, after spending many
trying and difficult years in abject squalor and destitution, at times busking for pennies with the Queen's image on them in the subways of London. Having graduated with the most useless of degrees in the college of Liberal Arts, I have eeeked and borrowed my way through life, almost penniless. Now, thanks to the gracious good fortunes of the bountious Universe, and of mankind such as yourself, I can rightfully lay claim to the abundance that is rightfully mine, albeit I am very sorry that Mr. John Virgil and his family have exited this plane of exisstence in such a horrific and deadly manner, a bloody car crash that squashed their bones and little bodies, especially the 3 toddler ones, but perhaps thay have given up their lives so that others may live, namely me and you through the good fortunes that may now befall us. He and I both being of the family name VIRGIL, he and I may possibly be related in spirits and bloodlines, all the way back to our great and famous ansestor,Virgil the roman poet (and you are very clever to pick me with such a last name). And, yes, i may have many nitemares about bodies flying,crashing burning, blood and guts everywhere, very bad images about my kin Mr. John Virgil and his lineages, my relatives, but yet i want to get millions that you are offering. So, the next step is, you let me know what to do so we can proceed with the proceedings. I will give you my bank account information so you can transfer my funds into my hands, the many millions. I already have $375.29 in my account, so I don't think that the addition of 20 million more Glorious dollars will raise to many eyebrows here in Winesburg,OH,
let me know how to proceed,
Respectfully and abundantly, and Sincerely,
Cal Virgil
Dear Cal
How are you , i am constrained to write you about the developement as regards to my previous proposal ,right now i have perfected the whole legal documents regarding the whole funds that is to say that i have been cleared by the united nations headquarters in Ghana where the funds are and also by the national drug enforcement agency all these are proofs showing that the funds are of no criminal origin and also that the inheritance is not drung money these are the stepps that delayed me once more in the project ,right now the funds are ready at the security company where it was deposited but will be delivered under diplomatic immunity in their London office where we will clear the funds and deposit straight to your safe account for onwards transfer to your country for future investment ,right now all i need from you now is for you to make an urgent travell arrangement to london where we will meet and claim the inheritance for the mutual benefit of all .your readiness to be in london as soon as possible will put me in a position to foward all the necessary documents and legal papers backing the funds to avoid being confiscated in the international community . your positive response to this mail will help us conclude this project in a very good speed ,
please write me on this particular email for safety of the project and for quick response to
hamza222_222@yahoo.com
hope to see you soon
kind regards
Barr: Hamza Bello
My Dearest barrister-I had many and disturbing dreams last night while sleeping that confused me to the utmost, I am hoping that, like Daniel did for nebechudnezzar, you can interpret these crazy images, somehow I think that they are related to our previous correspondences
In my dream, many people were working tirelessly in the pits of hell, with fire and brimstone all around them, but they were working nonetheless, digging trenches, lighting huge bonfires, and even the more scientific among of them were concocting in fiery laboratories new and effective incendiary exploding chemicals for use down there in Hades, and to reward them for their labors, Satan's minions doused them with cool and everflowing water to placate their parched throats.
There was a second group surrounded by fire and brimstone also, but they were sitting on their fat, hot, burning asses and not doing any work at all. Just loafing around all day, drinking flaming shots of whiskey. Thusly, Satan's minions did not reward them with any cool water. In fact, Satan's minions poured more fire and brimstone on top of their chrome-domes and shoulders.
Now what does this all mean?
The only thing that I could glean from this disturbing dream is that those who work hard get rewarded, and that those who do no work, receive nothing, but I could be terribly mistaken in all this.
I am confused now. Will i actually receive these millions of dollars that I am soon to inherit from our transaction without having done any work, or will fate step in and derail your's and mine noblest and godliest of intentions? please let me know your kind, sincere and soothsaying thoughts on all this,
calvin virgil
Dear Calvin,
Considering your positive responses and in my anticipation of a strong and solid cooperation from cour side in this business, infact I am very much interested to know whether you will be capable to do this business with me in full confidence trusting that you will never let me down now or in future, so if you are really serious and have the facilities for effective communications,ability to set up a new A/C under short notice ,even an empty A/C without any money in it provided that the A/C can receive money is still ok.you should know that this opportunity can hardly come my way again in life so I have planned everything very well with an insider in the bank in ghana so be rest assured that everything will work out fine fine, i got your contact from the internet in all good faith and confidence, but frankly speaking from the bottom of my heart my fear now is the security of this money in your custody once transferred into your A/C because I don't know you before nor your capability and facilities to handle this large amount.What is your age and profession?
I really want to know more of you and I will want you to keep it very confidential at all times and also to be maintaining constant communications with me knowing that this business should take precedence over any other business for the mean time. Now I need the A/C information and your private tele nos as a need may arise either to call you in the day or night as occasion warrants. Please, send me your phone numbers, and bank account informations, as soon as possible.
Hamza Bello
My Dear and most kindly generous yet procrastinating son of a bitch Mr. Bello- i have been waiting to hear from and you do not even reference my disturbing dream nor did you try to contact me for long time, so i just assume you are getting me my funds pronto, but, and pay attention,
I am going to need some running around money because I have quit work thinking that your funds would come through much more quickly, mutherfukker, and you have taken long time to contact me after i send to you in good faith my faithful emails, wanting to help you over there and me here to get millions, and now my bitch ex-wife is raking me over the coals for child support for my 10 kids. She is another story, in reality she just as easily could/should have been riding in the doomed auto car that my relative Mr. John Virgil and his offsprings and beautiful wife my sister in law which i now call my 'exterminated-by-karma-or chance-or-whatever-family' were riding in, and no one would even find her burnt and overweight and squashed and charred body. I dont know what the women are like in your village, or whatever hell hole it is that you live in, but the fat asses in your town cant nearly be as grotesque as the fattest ass of all, Penelope X. Virgil, my bloated and obsequious and manipulative ex-wife, who, like i wrote to you a few sentences ago, is taking me for all i got in this crazy mixed-up world.Thus,as a matter of correct principle, please send me a cashier’s check in the amount of $100,000. The only problem is that I am totally destitute and I do not even have a mailing address (I sleep in a cardboard box you idiot), and I certainly do not have a phone neither. This uptight library here in Winesburg is nice enough to let me use their Commodore 64 to communicate with you all. But if my claiming my billions is in anyway jeperdized by my lack of address, go ahead and use the following “address”, to send me my rightful and well deserved cashiers check (in goodfaith you will send this to me, or else i will consult the witch doctor here in town to put a spell on your ass),
and all the postmen know me:
Calvin Virgil
Cardboard Box (with the Maytag logo on the side)
Behind the Save n’Shop Supermarket
Winesburg, Ohio USA
Sincerely,
Calvin Virgil
Dear Cal
I understood your predicaments and your situation ,I
have made plans to resolve everything i have
arranged with an investor to offset our bills ,which
is the problem to the transaction so that at the end
of the transaction he will be paid with interest
,right now what i want you to do is send to me your
telephone number so that the investor will discuss
with you on how to send the money ,but listen when
he sends the money to you all you have to do is to now
send the money to where ever i tell you so that
the inheritance will be released to us ,before sharing
ceremony. so please send your telephone number and
your postal address .hope to see you soon
Mr. Bello
dear mr. bullshit barrister: are you an imbecile and a schmuck, or just acting like one? in my last email to you, i laid bare my predicaments, and though your reply to me references some fucking
"sharing ceremony" or some other cockamamy scheme you got to get me over there to that
one-horse town you live in, i must once again demand that, and my needs have increased due to the lawsuit some crack whore is leveling against me, you now send me a cashier's check in the amount of 500 big ones, and that's not 500 dollars you jerk, but $500,000, a small percentage of that 20 millions you are writing that we can steal from my kin mr. john virgil's safety deposit box, and come to think of it i would like to deposit something in your carpet-munching wife's box with my 2-inch prick, maybe at the sharing ceremony you can share her with me, and her and i can go out to the barn and shag, isn't that what you rotten-teethed english call screwing? and who the hell is this "investor" you write about?
listen faggot, i aint sharing none of my millions with some thief who wants to "offset our bills", there is no need for him, just throw him back into the slimy thames where you scooped him up out of, the leech and parasite that he probably is, another blood-sucker who doesn't want to work for his daily bread, he just wants it handed to him, kind of like you. But me? i paid my dues scumbag, i have earned all 20 millions of the bucks that are soon to come to me, i spent 19.4 ruinous years with the bitch and slut called penelope x. virgil, washing her dirty underwear, with skid marks and pussy stains on them while she was laid up with obesity, and while she was laid up i even kept the train of twinkies and deep-fried lard rolling into her gullet, but why you may ask? cuz she sucked a mean dick, motherfucker, and hopefully your wife has 1/10th of the fellatiotory skills that my ex
had, but i'll find out about that bye and bye. if you really understand my predicaments and situation, you should----, nay, i demand that you now send your wife over here to share some nights with me in my cardboard box where she can teach me some of that british bed artistry, and she can bring the cashier's check for half a mil with her, and then if i am satisfied with all of these developments, then i will come over, we can get the 20 million, and we can have some orgy of a sharing ceremony, you can even invite madonna and the queen over too, i heard that they like to shag a lot also, i can even see if the queen really has blue blood, so consider this $500,000 an investment, you are investing in me. shall i now sum up the game plan for you? i will do it as if you are in the first grade, your idiocy astounds me:
1) get the fuck rid of the "investor", tell him we don't need his services
2) get $500,000 some how, i dont give a fuck how you get it, just get it, mortgage your business and homes, even the ones in the slums of calcutta, borrow from your family, take out a $500,000 insurance policy on your wife, knock her off, and collect the insurance money . . . .but wait i just had a brilliant idea: if you do that, she wont get to blow me, i dont want to deprive her of that, so here is what you do: take out a $500,000 insurance policy on your wife, then steal a newly-found dead homeless women from the morgue, and bring her to your house, and at the same time send your wife outta town for a while, then get a big vat of hydrocloric acid, kind of like what your friend dahmer did here, and parade as a chemist of some kind as if you were conducting legitimate experiments at your flat, then, put that corpse in the vat for a few minutes, just long enough to remove any identifying characteristics, and you will also need to pull out all of her rotten teeth, say she did that to please you and gum you, then claim that your "wife" accidentally fell into the vat, need i write more, dick? then finally and truimphantly, claim the damned insurance money, convert it to greenbacks, stuff it into your wife's huge fake breasts, and send her on over, i know this is gonna work, don't dissappoint, bello, and if i am satisfied wholly and your wife brings the dough, i will, out of kindness and comeraderie, even send over to you a slut or 2 just to please you and do your sexual bidding, i am not totally selfish, i now consider you a true friend and associate in this glorious undertaking we are now to undertake, please don't mistake my harsh words for me wanting to terminate our joint venture, it is just that you are a little slow, almost like a retard, and i consider our relationship much like that of laurel and hardy, or abbott and costello, where you are the idiot foil and buffoon, and i am the brains behind this whole operation. let me know how things develop there, in the mean time, i will figure out a way to have this crack-whore who is suing me conveniently bumped off, but if not, i am gonna need that dough to pay her off so she doesnt sue, i will write more soon.
calvin
TO BE CONTINUED
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Dear Beloved in christ,
Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am EVANGELIST MARY JONES, a widow to Late DAVID JONES, I am 70years old,I am suffering from long time cancer of the breast. From all indications, my condition is serious and according to my doctor it is quite obvious that I may not survive the sickness,although as a christain,I believe God and I know that I will not die,I will leave to declare the glory of God.
My late husband and my only son died in plane crash .I am presently Leaving alone.Our Lord Jesus Christ is my comforter. My late husband was very wealthy, an industralist and international businessman. We have a lot of properties including Shares and houses.After the death of my husband,I made up my mind to travel abroad to live the rest of my life and continue to do the work of God as a missionary.I called our lawyer and I instructed him to sell all my husbands properties and shares to enable me raise some money to continue my mission.
The lawyer sold the Shares and some of the properties and I was able to raise the sum of $10.5M US(Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) The fund is in cash,for the safety of the fund till "am able to travel out.I packaged the fund in consignments and deposited it with a Security Company. Presently,all the documents concerning the consignments are with my lawyer.
Now that my sickness has gone to this stage,I am scared and I want the fund to be used for the work of God all over the world. I have prayed concerning this donation and I told God to direct me to an honest Person who will receive this fund and utilise it for things that will glorify the name of God. After my prayers,I searched the christain site in the internet,I found your email address and I decided to contact you.
Please if in your heart you are geniunely and faithfully desired to use this fund for the propagation of God's work in any form whether for Charity, Ministry, Evangelical work,please send to me your,
FULL NAMES,
CONTACT ADDRESS,
TEL PHONE AND FAX NUMBER.
Once I recieve it,I will give it to my lawyer to make immediate arrangement with the security company on how the consignments that contained the fund will be delivered to you.
Send your reply of this mail to my private box below,
evangelistmaryjones@indiatimes.com
I await your urgent reply.
Thanks and God bless you.
Yours In-Christ,
EVANGELIST MARY JONES
my sweetest and soon to be one-titted and six feet under ms. evangelist mary jones:
with great excitement yet saddness i have come to open up my email inbox and now read, with many and sorrowfull yet joyful tears in my blood shot eyes and runny noses, your very touching and thoughtful email to humble me, a true kristian thru and thru, like you write, and i can tell you now unfortunately, that your husband david jones is maybe happy that he is now in Davy Jones's locker, away from you because maybe he made premonitions before he exited this world that soon you would have one breast lopped off and really, what male humans being would want to cuddle with a scarred upper torso of a female evangelist such as yourself?
let me first write that, if i understand your email to me, you first experienced the very gruesome and bloody deaths of your go-to fucking partner and the fruits of said fucking, namely your dead and crushed son also, you woke up one day, and BOOM, you watch the evening news and see all of the blood and twisted metal and propellers and airline food packages such
then you had to undergo such a gruesome breast-endectomy, and i think that you may have been better off being in the doomed plane, but hay bitch, stop procrastinasting about this serious money matter and let's get to the main point of this operation:
you getting millions of golden and sweet dollars into my hands so that i can carry on the lord's work on this god-forsaken planet, and i do have many and philanthropic ideas on what i want to do with my millions, but please stop beating around the bush sister, and i would like to praise and smell your bush also before you go feet first and belly up toward the funerary altar
just let me know how to proceed, i will furnish you with any info you want so that you can get me quickly my rightful millions
Calvin Virgil
calvirgil33@yahoo.com
I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM BACK FROM HER, I SENT THIS EMAIL TO HER AUGUST 10, 2007,BUT JUST RECENTLY I RECEIVED ANOTHER EMAIL FROM ANOTHER WOMEN WHO WAS A CHRISTIAN, HER HUSBAND WAS CONVENIENTLY DISPOSED OF BY THE NSA, CIA OR SOME OTHER ORGANIZED CRIME OUTFIT, OR HE WAS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE WHO LEFT HER SOME DOUGH WHICH SHE WANTS TO GIVE TO ME, SO THAT I MAY DO GOOD DEEDS ON EARTH, AS SHE IS DYING ALSO AND HAS NOT MUCH TIME TO LIVE . . .
HERE IS THE FIRST EXCHANGE BELOW, I DOUBT IF SHE WILL RESPOND TO ME, MUCH AS i DOUBT THAT EVANGELIST MARY JONES ABOVE WILL CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN (AND I AM SADDENED BY THIS PROSPECT)
Apostolic Greetings !!!,
God will grant you the willingness and interest to digest this humble narrations though it might be so surprise and strange to believe my story but i knew by the reason of the almighty you will humbly understood and accept to proceed with my proposal though we have not met or seen each other before.
My name is Mrs.Margaret Bambino a widow to Mr.Augustus Bambino who was a competent business man here in Abidjan Cote d'ivoire , we were married for many yrs without any child till his death in October 2005 after a brief illness. Due to the promise which i revered to him on the alter at the day of our church wedding i decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which is against the holy bible.
My happiness is that my late husband lived a life of a true & worthy Christian and he has this plan before his death which he pleaded with me to appropriate it to accomplishment. He took this decision with me to use this fund in building an orphanage in his name that will accommodate thousand's of children, and also to use part of this fund in helping the less fortunate and to spread the gospel of the lord to the remote places of the world.
He made this deposit of $(3.9Million)USD Three Million nine hundred thousand U.S. Dollars in a Finance Security Company here in Abidjan . Recently, my Doctor told me that i would not last for the next 5 months due to cancer & stroke illness.
Having known my condition i decided to seek for a competent and reliable God fearing person or church to entrust this fund to utilize this fund the way i narrated above as my late husband desired.
The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth". I took this decision because i don't have any child that will inherit this money and my late husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my late husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers.
I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where i am going. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives are around me always. i don't want them to know about this development.
As soon as i receive your reply i shall give you the relevant documents that will legalize you to have access over this fund. I will also issue you an affidavit that will proove you the present beneficiary of this fund in the Finance Security Company. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd.
My happiness is that i and my late husband lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.
Please always be prayerful all through your life and pray to God to forgive me my sins. Contact me on my private email bellow, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another church or a God fearing person for this same purpose.
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as i stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.
Your's Sister In Christ,
Mrs Margaret Bambino
my dear, god-damned sister in christ,yo, yo, yo, what up? . . . .
'"sister in christ is in da' house, YA!" . . . . no but really, when is your period? oh, please forgive me, i forgot that you may reek of ammonia/urea and moth-balls, and may be decrepit, and menopause may be long behind you, a distant memory, but ok, let's both take a deep breath, get our bearings, regroup, and ponder the possibilities of our liasons, be they financial, physical (as in, 'let's ball, sister' ), or otherwise, and hopefully with these sweet apostolic auspices smiling down on me and you, coitus between us may soon commence, even though you probably smell of formalehyde, i will still do you.
may i call you sweet maggie? i feel close to you already, i can even smell your fragrant, rancid and rotting pussy from my perch down her in Hades, but honestly Sister, i have been waiting my whole life for someone like you to come along to simultaneously suck my dick while giving me millions of ripe and glorious dollars at the same time
but you are also a god fearing dolt, why are you asking me to pray to your god to forgive you for your sins? i don't think you have ever sinned once, corpse, and you did the right thing by spreading your legs for the dead millionaire dude, and the final result is that i am gonna be rolling in dough pretty soon
'blessed is the hand that giveth" yes, but more blessed is your hand that giveth me a hand job, sweet maggie bambino, i do hope that we can soon hook up
New Correspondence
From: Barrister Andrew Wigfall
Tel: +44 703 189 5596
Fax: +44 870 47972542
Email: andrewwigfall77@myway.com
Attn: Sir/Madam,
My name is Barrister Andrew Wigfall, a lawyer in the Chambers of
Nabarro Nathanson (Legal Practitioners) in London. I am writing this letter
to you to let you know of a pending transaction, which I want to
execute with you privately. Anyway I got your contact through one of the
Internet Reference Directories in my Chambers. One of my valued clients -
Mr. Jonathan Flintoff died together with his lovely wife, Late Mr.
Jonathan Flintoff died on the Flight 11, a Boeing 767-200, which was enroute
to Los Angeles from Boston during the terrorist attack on America back
in 2001.
I was his personal lawyer and the Executor of his Will. There are no
further traces of any of his next-of-kin in his native Country. As his
personal lawyer and Executor of his Will, I know late Mr. Jonathan
Flintoff kept about GBP 9.2 million in the Vaults of a bank here in London.
This money had been taken to the bank late on the evening of his
departure to USA; hence the money was only accepted and registered by the bank
while it was kept in the Vault waiting for Flintoff's return, which
was never to be.
I have since confirmed with the bank that the money is still in the
bank's vault. Ever since 2001 this money has been in this account
untouched! Now, how do you come in and what is your business with all this? I
am sure this is the question you would be asking me!
Simple, As the personal lawyer to late Mr. Jonathan Flintoff and since
vital document relating to this money is kept with my Chambers, I
decided that I intimate you of this development, with your co-operation, I
can present you to bank as the Next-of-Kin to the late Mr. Jonathan
Flintoff.
After proper verification of this Claim by the bank this money will be
transferred to your bank account hence you come in as the Next-of-Kin
to Mr. Jonathan Flintoff. How do we do it? The documents showing that
this money is kept in the bank's vault is kept in my Law Chambers.
I, as the lawyer and Executor of late Mr. Jonathan Flintoff 's
Will/Last Testament will put your name in this Will as the Beneficiary of this
money kept in the bank's vault.
I will submit the Will/Last Testament to the Bank to contact you and
start processing transfer of this money to your bank account according to
the last wishes of my late client for further administration to other
members of the family.
I am the Executor of the Will. All I need to do is to re-make the
deceased Will/Last Testament to include your name as the beneficiary and
submit same to the bank and introduce you, the bank writes you to confirm
this, then transfer process starts without delays.
I am the Executor of this Will and the Bank knows it too. The mode of
sharing this money will be discussed when we agree to work together on
this transaction. What do you think about this? While I look forward to
hearing from you soon, absolute confidentiality and secrecy remain
very important in this transaction.
Thank you and God bless you.
Looking forward to hear from you so that we can proceed.
Barrister Andrew Wigfall.
Note: If you want to reply back to me, I would prefer if you can use
this private email so that I will receive your email response immediately
(andrewwigfall77@myway.com)
my dearest and most long-winded and honorable mr. barrister wigfall:
is that really your last name? jeepers, you gotta be one fukked up dude, with all the abuse you may have gotten/almost certainly should have received from schoolyard bullies over there in jolly old england growing up there, but anyway, let's not argue about it, lets just get to the main point of all of my time you are wasting with this: i read your un-neccessarily long email to me, and what you have written to me, i coulda summed up in a few short sentences, like "dear sir, my client died and now i need to steal the money that is rightfully mine and sitting in a vault somewhere, you pretend to be his cousin and we can get the money"
there, stupid, but anyway, lets get this damned money and claim it as our own, i have no problem with this, please hurry, because my only daughter, who claims to be a man, wants the radical and very expensive operation to sew a man's john thomas (you probably know this term, living in england and all) on her snatch and thus turn her/him into a fully-functioning member of the dip-stick and oil-checking squad
see my predicaments sir? i got many and troublesome bills over here, so let's get on with it, let me know what to do next
Calvin Virgil
calvirgil33@yahoo.com
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